There is lots of movement around me but I feel like time is standing still. I know where I came from, but I’m not sure where it is I’m going? Where is it I am I trying to get to? Where am I trying to go?
Standing in the middle of Union Station the possibilities are plentiful. There are too many options. I can’t make a decision. What if I pick the wrong destination? What If I make the wrong choice? What if I fail?
I am already failing. I’m failing myself by being indecisive. I’m failing my family by not making a decision. Just choose! Since I really have nothing to lose, is it what I might gain that I’m afraid of?
Epiphany. I just had an epiphany.
I have never really had to make a decision about my path. Now that I think about it, for the first 42 years of my life things just kind of happened. I was following the directions. There was a map. I started at the beginning and I ended at my destination. It was easy. I mean, I worked hard to get there, but it was easy.
But now, now I’m in uncharted territory. I’m on a new found island. An island that has just recently been discovered. There are no directions. There is no map. I am starting at the beginning, but I have to decide the destination. I have to create the directions.
Do I remain still or do I make another decision…..the decision to explore. It’s the only decision I have to make. What do I do?
I really have no choice. I have to explore. I must decide which direction to go. A decision that will chart my path. A decision that will create the map that continues my journey. A map that’s currently on a blank piece of paper.
This is anything but easy. This is the most difficult decision of my life thus far.
Epiphany. I’m on a roll. Two in one day.
For the first time I am in charge of my destiny. Maybe that’s what terrifies me. I’ll have no one to blame but myself if it turns out bad. I guess its time to grow up. I guess it’s time to take control.
If you don’t know where you are going you will never get there. It’s a very common phrase. So how is it exactly that you figure out where you want to go? I have to choose my destination.
Photo credit: Julie Moore