Making Space

340 days. That’s the total number of days that I have now been unemployed. It’s hard for me to imagine that it is been that long. It has truly been an up and down journey. Every one of those 340 days has brought me something new. Things I never would have anticipated. I allowed myself time to grieve the loss of my job and then I had to decide it was time to move forward. Although it took me some time to realize it, in losing my job I was actually given a tremendous gift, the gift of ALLOWANCE. I have allowed myself to spend time with my husband and to learn that how strong our marriage really is. I have allowed myself to really be there and participate, both physically and emotionally, in my 4 yr old sons formative years. I have allowed myself to be able to learn more about who I am as a person, as a wife, as a mother and as friend.  I have allowed myself to be vulnerable. I have allowed myself to relinquish control. I have allowed myself to depend on others. I have allowed myself to be a receiver instead of the giver I have been my entire life. This last one has been the hardest for me.

I am currently working on myself (with a little help from a very special life coach). I mean REALLY working on me. I am on an introspective journey that is leading me on a path completely unknown. I almost feel like I have been sent into outer space to explore an area that has never been seen before. I have that “I’m not really sure what to expect” feeling. It’s scary as hell and at the same time I’m having so much fun with it that my fears are being overshadowed by the excitement that I am feeling for what is to come. I am allowing myself to feel it.  I am allowing myself to be there in that space, to be vulnerable and acknowledge and understand my feelings. I am allowing things to happen organically. I am allowing myself to slow down and take my time learning who I am. I am allowing myself time to figure out what I want and creating a path to get there. Most of all I am allowing myself to have FUN in this process.

“What will be, will be” has become my motto.

My coaching session today was enlightening on so many levels. My coach, Di, starts every call with the same question. She always asks “So what are we celebrating this week?’ This question alone has helped me to realize that I had lost focus of the positive things (no matter how small). Today I had several things to celebrate. First, I hit the reset button on my weight loss two weeks ago. I have shed (I won’t say lost…because I never want to find them again) 11.4 lbs. I have taken back control of my body. I allowed myself to focus on the things I need to do to regain that control. I am back on a high protein low carb diet staying under 1200 calories per day. It’s working and I am feeling fantastic! Second, I spent all day yesterday cleaning my garage in preparation for a yard sale that I am having this weekend. I am so proud of how much I accomplished yesterday in my garage! It was a disaster and now I can actually see the floor. I am embarrassed at how long it has been since I could freely walk through the garage without stepping over things. I started organizing for a yard sale. When I walked into the garage this morning, it felt like 300 lbs had been lifted off my shoulders. I am currently working on organizing the rest of our house in the same fashion. I now realize that my physical surroundings were spinning out of control and it was impacting me mentally and emotionally.  I AM PURGING. I am purging extra weight. I am purging physical things that we don’t need. I am purging negativity from my life.

Towards the end of our session, Di said something to me.  It was one sentence that really sparked something. It was one of those A-HA moments. One simple quote made me look at things from an entirely new perspective. I wrote it down and now I want to share it.

“When there is no space, there is no place.”

This one sentence, nine simple words, one simple concept, has transformed my perception. You can take this sentence at face value. When you have a physical SPACE and it is filled with lots of “stuff” there is no longer any PLACE for more physical things. But take it a step further. Think about your mind. My mind moves at warp speed. I am always thinking several steps ahead. In a lot of ways this mentality has proven to be very beneficial in my career. I was able to anticipate potential issues before they happened and change course to avoid them. Right now though, where I am in my life at this moment, this mentality is hindering my progress. As a matter of fact my husband consistently says to me “can we just focus on what’s happening right now and not worry about what going to happen next month?” But that is how I have always operated. Today though, when Di made that statement to me, it was like I had an epiphany. She helped me realize that if I have all of those thoughts swirling around in my head, all of that clutter taking up SPACE is there really any PLACE for anything else? If all of my SPACE is already taken, is there any PLACE for anything new?

So starting today, I am embarking on a new journey. I am going to commit to meditating for at least 20 minutes per day. I need to allow myself to de-clutter my head SPACE to allow a PLACE for new thoughts and actions to organically come to me. This old dog (well not that old) is ready to learn some new tricks! Its time to shed the stuff from my past that isnt working anymore. Its time to create space for what I want to attract in life. Its time to allow space for new ideas. Good things are already happening. I can’t wait to see what comes next!

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