I know i haven’t posted in awhile, but i was feeling somewhat discouraged. My weight loss had slowed down dramatically. The last post I made was on 8/27. At that time I weighed in at 213lbs. It has now been about 6.5 weeks since then and I am ECSTATIC to report that I have broken the 200lb mark! As of this morning I was 199lbs! WOO HOO for me!
Many of you are probably saying…14lbs in 6 weeks is pretty good…right? Well you are right. It is an average of 2.15lbs per week. However, when you have experienced a large, quick weight loss and then everything slows down, it can be somewhat frustrating! You know in your mind its going to happen, but when it does you have to deal with the feelings that come along with it. I fell into the frustration trap. I did not however let that deter me. I continued to follow (for the most part) the strict diet that my Dr. has instructed. I take my vitamins everyday. I still haven’t been able to nail down the exercise part, but i will eventually. I had to put it all in perspective and keep reminding myself that I have shed 45lbs in 2.5 months! That is an achievement and I am going to CELEBRATE it! Without food of course!
My body as well as the rest of my life has gone through its own evolution over the last year. I had a complicated pregnancy, had a beautiful baby boy, had to readjust to being a mom of an infant, had 2 surgeries and now have shed 45lbs and counting. I am more than half way to my goal and couldn’t be happier. Thirty four more lbs to go! It has truly been a transformation!
This entire process is actually very fascinating to me. People have been making comments to me along the way – noting that they can tell i have lost a lot of weight. It feels good to know that others notice the results of the sacrifices that I have made. There have been many sacrifices. I completely gave up bread, sugar and pop and I now drink Decaf coffee.When I say it has been a complete lifestyle change I mean it has really been a complete lifestyle change.
No one ever believes me when I tell them how much I did weigh or how much I weigh now. I’m very fortunate to be tall and carry my weight very proportionally. How I look is very deceiving. The difference in how we see ourselves and how others see us is very interesting to me. There is clearly a disconnect – at least in my case. I have a Masters degree in counseling and clearly understand the psychology of what i am going through, but understanding it from a knowledge level and experiencing it from a personal level are two very different things.
Before my surgery i was in a size 20-22. I am now solid in a 16 on the bottom and a 12-14 on top. I cant tell you how good that feels. Although, even though i know I am now in a 16 and that my bigger clothes literally fall off of me, i still cant help but go to the bigger sizes when i go shopping. I still see myself as the “bigger” Courtney. My mind hasn’t switched yet. I remember going through this when I lost lots of weight the first time around. I know at some point I will hit a point that I “see” the change in my body. I will get there. Its not something I can force. It has to happen on its own. I have to be patient and wait for my mind to catch up with my body.
Brandon and I were going to a concert the other night and I splurged and went out and bought myself something to wear. The thrift shop has become my best friend. I have been avoiding spending any real money on clothes since I know that I wont be in them long. This particular night however was the first night that Brandon and I went out together with no children since Asa was born. I wanted to look good for him and for me but more importantly I wanted to feel good. We met my sister and her friend at the concert and the first words out of my sisters mouth were “You look great! How much have you lost?” Mission accomplished! I looked great and I felt great and we had an amazing time!
Lots of people have asked me about the crazy diet that I am on. Its not nearly as difficult as everyone thinks it is. It is really a lifestyle change and I have chosen to embrace it. At this point I am still only eating animal protein – meat, cheese and eggs. I eat 4oz three times a day. No veggies, no fruit, no sugar, no carbohydrates, no carbonation, no caffeine. There are times where I have serious cravings. I choose not to ignore them. I satisfy them with one or two bites. I don’t allow myself to have those one or two bites until I have had my 4oz of protein. One or two bites is literally all I need to satisfy that craving. I also went out and bought sugar free Werthers candy and sugar free lifesavers. When I get a sweet tooth I allow myself to have a piece – recognizing that I am taking in empty calories that are not providing me any nutrition. Everything I put into my mouth is fully thought out and chosen. Gone are the days of eating whatever I want whenever I want to. That is how I ended up almost 300lbs to begin with. I never want to live in that body again.
You may have noticed that when I refer to my weight loss, I choose to use the word shed instead of lose. This is very intentional. Something that is lost can be found again. I never want to find any of these shed lbs again. They are rid from my life for good.
The title of the category of my blog is “My journey” and what a journey this has been so far. I have had to battle my own internal demons that contributed to me being 300lbs. I had to embrace a new way of eating. I have crossed over from living to eat to eating to live. I pay attention to what is going into my body. I am by no means perfect. Some days i forget to take my vitamins or I don’t get in all 64oz of liquid, but I don’t focus on what I didn’t accomplish. I choose to focus on what I have accomplished. I remind myself why I need to do it and the next day I focus a little bit more.
I want to thank all of you for the support that you have shown me. I have gotten support not only from my friends, family and coworkers that I see regularly, but also from my facebook family for whom many of you I don’t get to see very often. I have also picked up some followers on Word Press that I have never met before who have also shown me support. To each and every one of you – whether I say it directly to you or not, please know that I appreciate all of the kind words and encouragement. While I am a very self driven person, those words from you help to drive me even more.
Until the next blog……